A year ago today...

I was nervous, anxious, and excited. Michael and I waited in the dark ultra sound room for the nurse to come in. We knew we were expecting and we knew we were about six weeks along. That moment, sitting on that table, I started to panic as thoughts raced through my brain. Nothing could have prepared me for what was coming. Our first pregnancy with Tripp was a surprise and we consider it one of our best to date. This pregnancy was not a surprise but the news that came with this pregnancy will be a moment that will forever be stamped on my heart. That moment where I first met my sweet not one, not two, but three babies for the very first time. All that I could see on a screen was a round circle and a tiny flicker…a very tiny heartbeat. It was one year ago today that we first heard the news that I was carrying three babies. Michael and I just listened and looked at each other, listened and looked at each other. I laughed nervously the entire appointment and it is safe to say we were both in shock at the very idea I could possibly be having triplets. Looking back it makes my heart hurt that the doctor spoke with me about “selective reduction.” Looking at my sweet babies now….which ones would you ever ask me to give up?? The doctor told us not to go out and by a triple stroller that most higher order pregnancies “spontaneously reduced” in the first ten weeks and even if I didn’t miscarry that the chances of me carrying these babies full term was highly unlikely. It was in my favor that I had carried a full term pregnancy before but that I should be aware of all the risks that I am facing and to seriously think about reducing. I knew in my soul that wasn’t an option for me. Michael and I left the doctor and we put our faith in God in check and we tried to soak in what we had just been told. We started making phone calls to parents to tell them. We were too shocked to come up with anything clever and the news itself was shocking enough. ….And so began our journey, one year ago today. A ride that I will never forget but wouldn’t trade for the world. Fast forward a full year later, my trio are five months old now. We could not have made it through this year without the love and support of soapy family and friends. Words will never express our gratitude for the love that has been shown to our family. So thank you for taking the time to be a part of our lives.

Life in the rear view mirror...

Just as I had imagined finding time to sit and write my blog is next to impossible. Even to get past the first sentence I have had to stop twice to check on a fussy baby. :) This is a big week for us as I return to work for the first time in EIGHT MONTHS! Yes, I said EIGHT MONTHS!!! I have been doing a lot of reflecting the past few days, thinking back to when this all began and how far we have come. The end of December marked a huge change in, not only my lifestyle, but also the lifestyle of my husband and son. I became very quickly bound to my bed and we were nervous, excited, and anxious about what our future held for our three unborn babies. Now, I sit here and write my blog in living room with three four month olds. Tripp returned to school today for the first time since he was out for summer break and I return to work on Wednesday. So much has changed and yet it is though nothing has changed because we can not imagine our lives without them or what our lives even were before their existence. Returning to work I think will be doubly hard given the fact that my life was so very consumed with the pregnancy and unknown of what was to come with such high risks. Now I have had my precious, healthy, babies with me for four whole months and they, along with their brother, are an all consuming job. :) I am wondering if I will be bored at work because I just can't imagine work being as chaotic and busy as what I deal with at home. There aren't many things in life that are as chaotic and busy as taking care of three babies and a four year old. Tripp's summer was not as fun as I would have liked it to have been and I think returning to school was easy for him this morning as he will get more playtime and "fun" things to do besides being at home with his brothers and sister all day. Getting out to do anything is a big deal and our active lifestyle has taken a back seat this summer as we have adjusted to a new way of living. There were no tears when being dropped off this morning and that definitely makes getting back into a routine easier for us. Hoping that things will calm down around here and we will be able to get out more easily as the babies get older. Caroline, Gabe, and Ethan will be officially four months old on August 18th. They are doing great and definitely have their own personalities. Ethan, who is nick named "Tubby-Tubby," LOVES to eat and sleep. He is a chunk and absolutely precious. When he gets upset his cry just sounds pitiful and breaks your heart. He is mostly a happy baby and smiles with his many chins. :))) Love kissing those chubby cheeks. Caroline is definitely our princess. She has found her voice and talks and talks. As a girl, she already has a lot to say. I think she melts everyone's heart with her big, sweetheart eyes and precious smile. She will just put her head in just the right spot on your chest and snuggle. She is definitely a love bug. Gabe is our peanut and still the smallest of the three. He is growing, but hasn't quite caught up with his brother and sister. He fights with his reflux which makes him fussier than the other two at times. His cry, unlike Ethan, is not pitiful. Gabe just gets mad and has a temper that we have all heard and seen. :) He loves to smile and you can't help but laugh and smile back. He has very kissable chubby cheeks too. They are all rolling over from their tummy to their back. They can sit in their bumbo seat and are working on head control. We go back to the doctor on the 30th for their fourth month check up and I can't wait to see how much they have grown in two months. We have a new addition to the family now and her name is Claudia. We are all in love with her, babies included. She is an answered prayer and I already know I would be lost without her. She officially started working a couple of weeks ago and has a great bond with the babies who smile when they see her now. She gets with them on the floor and makes sure they are being active and talks and sings with them. It is such a relief to have her here for when I return to work. I know the babies will be in good hands and I don't think you can ask for better than that. Three babies is a tall order and it takes the right person for the job and I am thankful we found "that" person. Michael has been working for the past month with coaching and working in his room. This year will definitely be challenging as far as his schedule goes. Between practices, games, and preparing for his classes I know we won't be seeing much of him, but he is already enjoying what he is doing and we are so thankful for his opportunity. If there is one thing I can say about us it is that we are very family oriented so I don't worry about us figuring out time with us and the kids. :) God has blessed us in so many ways and I hope that His light will shine through us no matter what it is we are doing and no matter how busy we become. I never want to take for granted, or let life pass by, without stopping daily to remember how blessed I am. Please keep us in your prayers as we embark on our life back to work and Tripp to school, and that it will be an easy transition for us all. :) It is crazy to look at life in the rear view mirror and see where we have been and where we are now. Looking forward to things to come.

Sometimes I am so tired I am not sure where to start with what has been going on in our lives. In my mind our lives are no different than anyone else. It isn't until I go somewhere, anywhere outside of our home, that I am reminded our lives are not really more special than anyone else's but just more obviously different. We have been attempting to go out a lot more. We figure the more we do it the more it will become just what we do. We have always been a family that "goes." We do not like staying put and Tripp has had a hard time adjusting to that for the past several months with my pregnancy and then the triplets arriving. We would like to resume our normal trip to Walmart, the store, the zoo...anywhere outside the four wall of our house. However, there is no longer a "normal" trip anywhere. It is work getting three babies fed, dressed, and out the door with their four year old brother. Then, when we finally arrive wherever it is we are going, there is no "normalcy' to where it is we are. I feel I have become the "nonsocial" one out of Michael and I, but really I have just found that if I don't act like the nice, happy person I like to be, people don't carry on and ask stupid personal questions that are really none of their business. :) I don't mind people commenting on the babies and taking a moment to notice, but it really gets absurd and out of control quickly with comments and questions. Anyway, I have just never done well being the center of attention in any realm and most certainly was not ready for it now. On a happier note, the babies are all doing amazingly well. I hate to type that in fear that the ice might break out from under us. Caroline is such a sweetheart. I know she is my daughter and I am supposed to feel that way, but any one who has met her has walked away with a smile. She loves to cuddle and is very tactile. She loves holding on to her blankies...or my hair (which could be a problem in the near future). :) Ethan is our "big" boy and is hungry around the clock. I am pretty sure he would eat a steak if I at all just offered him one. We call him Mr. Fuss Buckets as he loves to be held...all the time. He has become a lot more content lately about playing on the floor as long as someone is there to give him their attention. Gabe is still our peanut and continues to be the smallest by several ounces. He struggles with his reflux and feeding him can be difficult. For this reason, Michael and I are a bit over protective of him. They are all truly happy babies and while we are sleep deprived, it could be a lot worse. They are easy babies individually, but somehow the three of them gang up on us and collectively it is hard. Haha. As I am typing right now Mr. Fuss Buckets is waking up in the swing telling me it is time for him to eat. We really don't even have to set an alarm clock. He is it. I am sure after feeding him, Caroline will wake up for her turn. Gabe will wait until about 5am, which is greatly appreciated!! The other two are then not far behind again to eat.

"I was made for you..."

So things around here are crazy as they have ever been. I now feel very comfortable keeping all three babies on my own which says a lot giving the handful they can be individually. :) We are now seeing their little personalities come out and I love finding out new things about them every day. A lot has happened since I last blogged. Michael got a job, praise God. Definitely an answered prayer. It is close to home which is a HUGE bonus. He will be coaching and I know this will keep him busy, but I knew he would be coaching no matter where he worked and we are just thankful it is five minutes from home as opposed to 45 min or an hour even away. We also found a nanny!!! She came very highly recommended from different people and she has nanny experience. She is a little older so I don't worry about her inexperience. Sometimes when you meet someone you just get a feeling, sometimes good, sometimes bad. I got a really good feeling about her and knew right away I wanted her to be our nanny. Her name is Claudia and we are very excited about getting to know her better. She will be moving into our spare bedroom downstairs in a couple of weeks. I think it is going to work out really well. :) Again, God has brought us so many blessings this year I am just bursting with excitement! On the home front, we are doing our very best to get the babies on a schedule. It is going pretty good and I feel like I have gotten farther with these three in ten weeks with sleeping than I have in four years with our oldest. Haha. However, it seems every night, at least one of the three has a tummy ache, doesn't want to sleep, etc. So we are still very exhausted and some nights we get a few hours and some nights we don't. This week hasn't been the best with them sleeping at night and on top of that, Michael has not felt well. Yesterday he went and took a nap with Tripp to catch up on some much needed rest. I was in the living room with the other three. One was in the swing and two were rocking on my chest. Our peanut, Gabe, has reflux and has been put on Zantac. It has helped A LOT, but he still has his moments with reflux. Yesterday he began spewing as I have him and Caroline on my chest. I could not sit him up with both of them laying on me and he began strangling a little bit. I yelled for Michael, who was still napping, to come and help me. I yelled loudly because I knew he was sleeping. The next thing I know I hear him jump out of bed and a loud bang followed and then I heard running, followed by another loud bang. He comes limping into the living room holding his head without his glasses. Apparently the door to the bedroom was partially opened and he ran straight into it leaving a bruise and a headache, after running into the door, he was running and fell in the hallway. By this time, Gabe was just fine, and all I could do was laugh hysterically at my poor crippled husband. He slid to the floor in the kitchen and I'm pretty sure he probably has a concussion. And....that is our life. As exhausting as it is day in and day out, and as miniscule as our down time is, I am so very, very thankful that this is our crazy life. I'm on a facebook page for mom's of triplets. Recently a mom who was 23 weeks pregnant went into labor because of an infection. After several hours of fighting she lost one of her beautiful little girls and later that evening the other two babies were born. She was put into ICU because she went septic and her two other babies are still fighting for their life in the NICU. I was up watching a rerun of Grey's Anatomy at 3am the other night and one of the character's who was pregnant in the show was in a car accident and her 23 week old baby was born. They showed the mom and the baby fighting for their lives. As I am sitting there rocking my sweet princess who couldn't sleep, tears streamed down my face as all I could think of is this poor mom who lost one of her sweet babies and the uncertainty of her life and the life of her other two children. I thanked God over and over again and continue to do so not wanting Him to think for a moment I take for granted what I have: My wonderful husband, a loving four year old son who is the best big brother, and three tiny new souls that we will do our best to teach of God's unending love. At the end of that stupid rerun there was a song and all I could think in my sleep deprived state was "this song speaks to me." I have heard this song before and it could not be more accurate to how I feel about the five most important people in my life...and I believe with all my heart "I was made for you." "The Story" All of these lines across my face Tell you the story of who I am So many stories of where I've been And how I got to where I am But these stories don't mean anything When you've got no one to tell them to It's true... I was made for you I climbed across the mountain tops Swam all across the ocean blue I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules But baby I broke them all for you Because even when I was flat broke You made me feel like a million bucks You do and I was made for you You see the smile that's on my mouth It's hiding the words that don't come out And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed They don't know my head is a mess No, they don't know who I really am And they don't know what I've been through like you do And I was made for you... All of these lines across my face Tell you the story of who I am So many stories of where I've been And how I got to where I am But these stories don't mean anything When you've got no one to tell them to It's true... I was made for you Oh yeah, well it's true... that I was made for you... Sung by Brandi Carlile

Mission Impossible?

The target: SLEEP The obstacles: Three Newborns It's dark in the lakehouse. Only the light from the TV is flickering with low volume playing an episode of "Bones" to keep my eyelids from shutting. In my arms is a baby girl eating from her bottle and I am struggling to stay awake. Beside me in a boppy is a baby boy who, at the moment, I thought was fussing. Beside him, with his feet kicked back and slightly reclined, is my husband, holding the other baby boy. Across the room sleeping on a pallet is our four year old sleeping the way we wish were doing. As I am sitting there feeding one, I look sleepily over at the baby in the boppy (who I thought was fussing) to put a passy in his mouth. It is at that moment I realize it is not the baby in the boppy crying. I am slightly startled to a more awake state and look over to see the baby my sweet, sweet husband is holding, with his feet straight up in the air. I panicked and immediately begin yelling "Michael! Michael!" He then snaps up, throwing the reclining seat forward, baby still upside down. At this point I am on the verge of tears thinking that my sleep deprived husband has squashed our baby's head in the seat when he sat it up. I am yelling at him "get the baby, get the baby!" He is looking at me blankly yelling "what baby?!" I yell "the baby in your arms!!!" He looks down and grabs him up. I then begin to laugh hysterically as I am shaking, still feeding our baby girl, with the other baby boy still sleeping in his boppy and four year old snoozing on the floor. I know it seems a bit irrational to be laughing when the moment before you thought your baby's head might have been squashed, but when you are going on little to no sleep for seven weeks straight...laughing hysterically is a perfectly acceptable thing to do. At that point in time it was probably 3am and my husband had been up since 4am the night before. The story ends with upside down baby falling right back asleep in his daddy's arms. I tell Michael to lay him down and go to bed. My husband responds with, "yes, but if you need me, please wake me up by gently shaking my arm or something, and not yelling at me." Poor guy, I scared us both to death. So, end of story, we are tired. That about summarizes our seven weeks with triplets. :) We live for the weekends when mom and Clay come and give us some time to sleep. This past week Granny Shirley, Clay's mom, came and has been an AMAZING help with the babies, cooking, and washing bottles. This has definitely given us time to take turns napping during the day. Everyone asks if this is harder than I thought it would be and my answer is no, it really isn't. I, in no way, shape, form, or fashion at any point in time thought this was going to be easy. We are changing more poopy diapers, going through more formula, and soothing babies hour after hour all while trying to entertain a four year old who is feeling a little bit left out. At the end of the day though, I kiss four children's sweet heads and tell four sleepy children that I love them and my heart is full with more love than I could have known. The babies are growing and changing every day and we are so very thankful that we are all healthy (minus sleep deprivation). I am so very fortunate to have a husband who is right there with me changing diapers, washing bottles, doing everything I do and some things better. :) The babies have actually done better sleeping the past two nights. We feed them, swaddle them, and put them down. Last night they went about five hours in between feeds with only a couple of times of needing soothing. It would have been great, except Michael woke up to help feed with a migraine. He is feeding our reflux baby, Gabe, and he is not having a good feed with lots of reflux. I am feeding Ethan. Michael quickly gets up and places Gabe in his carrier and runs to bathroom. I hear Michael throwing up because of his headache and I look over and Gabe has formula coming out of his nose and mouth. Caroline is waking up and becoming fussy and the four year old wakes up from all the noise. I run to Gabe, lay Ethan down, and pick Gabe up. Michael comes back with a bath cloth on his head and finishes feeding Gabe. He is truly a trooper. After that the babies go back to sleep and stay asleep until about 6am. So, maybe just maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel with completely sleepless nights. Our conclusion is that maybe sleep is a mission impossible at the moment, but we figure in twenty years or so, we may sleep through the night, and while sleep is little, the rewards are great. That is just a quick insight into our lives at that moment!  It has been fun and already so many great memories.

Happy Mother's Day

Well we have officially survived our first three weeks of being parents of four children! All babies came home two weeks ago and we haven't had time to stop and think since. The babies are doing great and seem to be healthy. They came home on four hour feeds, but the pediatrician wanted us to kick them back to three hour feeds. Now, when you have one baby, feeding every three hours around the clock is challenging but definitely possible. Three hour feeds with three babies around the clock basically means you are constantly feeding, changing, burping, and washing bottles. Sleep really isn't an option and Michael and I are learning to survive on little to no sleep. Michael came up with a great system of documenting diapers, amounts eaten, etc. so that we don't have to try and remember everything. Focusing on anything is almost impossible, even sitting here trying to think straight while typing is hard! We attempted to use a home health agency to come in at night and stay up with one of us so the other could get some sleep, but when she came in smelling of smoke and no newborn experience...we opted out after the first night. We seem to have a pretty good system but of course the babies are more active at night right now which means we have some work to do with getting our days and nights figured out. Schedules are a big part of our day and we try and keep them all in sync...try being the key word. The fun part is when they all three wake up at the same time mad and hungry because with two people feeding the third one just has to wait. We have also learned we will never be in a hurry to get anywhere ever again. We sat an extra hour and a half after our pediatrician appointment just to feed all three babies. Schedules are everything. We have also learned to go anywhere we better be ready to be social. Everyone has something to say or ask which is fine but it does take up a lot of time to talk to everyone you see. :) Tripp is adjusting well and is an amazing big brother. He is eager to help put in a pacifier, pick up a blanket, get a diaper, etc. He loves his babies and says "I think we will keep them." We are very glad he feels this way, haha. I don't think the hospital has a return policy of any kind. My husband who was once weary of holding small babies has been AMAZING! He does just as much of the changing, feeding, etc. as me and never complains about it (except when all three babies made dirty diapers on his watch...haha). Ethan is still the biggest of the three, but the other two are gaining quick. Ethan turned over today from his tummy to his back, but wasn't very happy with himself about it. The other two are still adjusting to being on their tummys. Looking foward to seeing all three hit milestones and grow. Caroline is the soother and reaches out to grab her brothers hands when they are fussy. Gabe is still pretty laid back and low maitenance. All the memories we have already made and the endless ones yet to come. A year ago I never dreamed that Mother's Day this year would be me being the mother of four children. You never know what God has planned for our lives but I'm so thankful this is where I am today. Happy Mother's Day to all moms out there who spend endless hours sacrificing quietly and without complaint to love and raise their chidlren. Very thankful for my mom who has helped me have the confidence that I can raise four chidlren, three of which are newborns, and be a good mother. I'm not really sure if this all flows the way I would like, but give me a break, I'm running on fumes right now. :)))

Delivery Day and NICU, One Week Update

I can't believe one week has come and gone and my sweet babies are a week old tomorrow. Thinking back to this time last week, it almost seems like an eternity ago and life without my four children doesn't make sense. My c-section was scheduled for last Thursday morning at 8:15 and I was supposed to be at the hospital at 6:15am for prep. God definitely has a sense of humor because one of the last things I told my husband about getting there that early was at least we didn't have to worry about traffic. As soon as we got on 65-S that morning, traffic was at a stand still going absolutely no where. Quickly checking the traffic report at 5:30am, we found out there has unfortunately been a fatal accident shutting down the interstate. It did put things into perspective though. Here we are going to the hospital hoping to bring life into the world and sadly two people had lost theirs an hour before. We did make it to the hospital 45 minutes late, but they couldn't start without me. :) Once at the hospital, in an ironic twist of fate, we also learned that someone was supposed to have called me the night before and told me to be at the hospital at 4am because they had changed the time of my section to 7am. My poor doctor had been there since then and no one had called to tell me of the change. Regardless of the circumstances or the time, nerves set in as they began to prep me. The nurses tried to keep the mood very light hearted to keep me calm and I did good until they rolled me into the operating room. My whole body was shaking so hard, partly because of nerves and partly because of the epideral. There were a total of 20 people in the room with Michael and I, 23 once the babies came into the world. Once they started, things happened very quickly. Ethan and Gabe were born at 8:29am and Caroline was born at 8:30. Ethan weighed 5 pounds 10 oz 19 in long; Gabe weighed 4 pounds 5 oz.15 in long, and Caroline weighed 5 pounds 5 oz. 18 inches long. They let us get pictures and then Michael and the team of doctors and nurses went to the NICU. It took the doctors about another hour or so before they were finished with me and rolled me to my room. I was up and going to the see the babies by 2:00 that afternoon. The babies have made quick progress in their one week here. Everyday it gets harder and harder to leave them in the NICU as I see their great progress, but I know they are in good hands and am SO VERY thankful for the wonderful NICU nurses who love my babies when I am not there to. Caroline and Ethan are in isolettes which is a step up from an open bed. They get to wear onsies now which makes things look better to me. Caroline is bottle feeding 30 cc's with no problem and came off her oxygen yesterday. So far she is tolerating breathing on her own well. Ethan's breathing is still a bit rapid in the 70-80 range and they want it in the 60's before they allow him to bottle feed. For now he has an OG tube and is tolerating 30 cc's per feeding. Mr. Gabe is now in a crib and doing fantastic. He passed his car seat test and if all goes well he may get to come home as early as Saturday!! We have to spend the night in the NICU family room to assure the staff we can take care of him on our own. We anticipate Caroline to follow closely behind and if Ethan can slow down his respirations, for him to progress quickly too. I can not tell you how often I thank God for His miracles and His grace. The doctors and nurses can not tell me how well the babies are doing and how well I did during my pregnancy. I know that I did my part by staying in bed and having a wonderful husband to take care of me, but how long those babies stayed in place had everything to do with God answering prayers and continuing to answer prayers with the progress in all three babies. We are beyond blessed and have more to be thankful for than we ever imagined. What an amazing journey it has been and we are just so excited for the sleepless nights, screaming babies, and endless wonderful memories that are to come with our four children. Once Gabe comes home we are being told by the doctors that visitors will have to continue to be strictly limited. Overstimulation in a new environment can be harmful and casue a preemie to decline, as well as exposure to outside germs. The last thing we want is to get home and then have to take a baby back to the NICU. I know many are anxious to meet our three new additions and we ask for your continued to patience as we give our babies time to grow and develop physically and mentally. We will post pictures and give updates as often as we can. We love everyone and appreciate your thoughts, prayers, and well wishes.